MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.

"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"

Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.

"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down Fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double-barreled shotgun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''

"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold wet nose in my Daddy's crack!"

"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"

Facebook

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Funny Friday: Best Email of the Week for Texas

Funny Friday 

I have a friend who is president of his Homeowners Association in the Dallas, Texas suburbs. They were having a terrible problem with litter near some of his Association's' homes. The reason, according to my friend, is that six very large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to their community.

pc: dailygazzette.com

The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the construction sites and included bags from McDonald's, Burger King and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts, coke cans, empty bottles, etc.

He went to see the site Supervisor and even the General Contractor, politely urging them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood, to no avail. He called the city, county, and Police and got no help there either.

So here's what his community did.

They organized about twenty folks, named themselves the "Inner Neighborhood Services" group, and arranged to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so hilarious.
They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" embroidered in gold on the caps.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they hoped people might mistakenly think the letters really stand for.

After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunch time pickup detail, with all of them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for work the next morning, and haven't come back yet. It has been ten days now.
The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring illegal aliens.

My friend and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating federal personnel, because they have the official name of the group recorded in their Homeowner Association minutes along with a notation about the vote to approve formation of the new subcommittee -- and besides, they informed the INS in advance of their plans, and according to my friend, the INS said basically, "Have a go at it!"

SO, FOLKS, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT TEXAS INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!
Reminder: Don't forget to pay your taxes....... 12 million Illegal aliens are depending on you.

No apology for sending this! After hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration.
It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news Broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. 

Immigration and Naturalization Services

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Why Laughter is the Best Medicine

Six Science-Based Reasons Why Laughter Is The Best Medicine

David DiSalvo , CONTRIBUTOR

Intuitively we know that laughter is one of the best tools we have for dealing with stress, and science backs that up. In fact, research into laughter goes even further, revealing that it's a potent drug with the contagious power of a virus that conveys a slew of benefits for the mind and body. Below are six findings that should keep us wanting to laugh it up.

Laughter is a potent endorphin releaser. One of the most recent studies on laughter shows that laughing with others releases endorphins in the brain—our homegrown feel-good chemicals—via opioid receptors. The more opioid receptors a given person has in their brain, the more powerful the effect. Highly addictive opioid drugs, like heroin, also bind to those receptors, suggesting that laughter induces euphoria not unlike a narcotic (minus the obvious drawbacks).

Laughter contagiously forms social bonds. The endorphin effect described above also explains why social laughter is so contagious. Spreading endorphin release through groups promotes a sense of togetherness and safety. Each brain in a social unit is a transmitter of those feelings, which triggers the feel-goods in other brains via laughter. It’s like a game of endorphin dominoes. That’s why when someone starts laughing, others will laugh even if they’re not sure what everyone is laughing about.

Laughter fosters brain connectivity. Not all laughter is the same, and it turns out that decoding a laugh is more challenging than it seems. One study found differences in how we perceive, for example, joyous laughter versus taunting laughter versus tickling laughter, each of which activates connections between different brain regions. What this all amounts to is that laughter fosters rigorous brain-region connectivity that kicks in when we hear a laugh, as our brains work to decipher what sort of communication is coming through.

Laughter is central to relationships. A study showed that women laughed about 126% more than their male counterparts, while men seem to instigate laughter the most—and there’s an interesting application of those results to how relationships form and are maintained. Women typically rate a sense of humor as a top-three trait for a potential mate. Men tend to rate women who laugh a lot (i.e. laugh at their jokes) higher than those who don't. It's no surprise, then, that couples who laugh together report having higher-quality relationships. Laughter is a nonnegotiable for all involved.

Laughter has an effect similar to antidepressants. Laughing activates the release of the neurotransmitter serotonin, the same brain chemical affected by the most common types of antidepressants, SSRIs. It’s not clear from the research how long this effect sticks around, but the burst of brain activity laughing triggers is undoubtedly potent, at least for short periods of time.

Laughter protects your heart. Research has shown that laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect that protects blood vessels and heart muscles from the damaging effects of cardiovascular disease. How this happens isn't entirely understood, but it seems related to lessening the body’s stress response, which is directly linked to increased inflammation. Regular, hearty laughter should probably be part of every heart disease prevention program.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

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While I Was Driving, 9: Names on License Plates

The kids have been back at their ol' school routine for a couple of weeks.  What better opportunity to see interesting license plates than while I drive them out and about.

What's Your Name?

Sylvia 

Just do it, Morticia!

Maribel -- I bet you're Filipino

What?? But, it's interesting!

This was sent to me
my abreviated name -- in Germany!

While I Was Driving, 8: Cars and License Plates

I drive my son to school daily which is the reason I cannot help but keep an eye-out for interesting license plates. That, and the accessibility of my cell phone is why I have many pictures.  Here are a few more: 

Any which way you look  ...

ANI ANGL

You've just answered my question

Swedes

Hungry much?

While I Was Driving, 6: Girls Only License Plates

silly boys!

5 sisters

no boys

While I was Driving, 2: Car Plates and Stickers

More interesting-looking license plates that I've managed to capture on camera  (without causing a car accident), thank God.

I bet I know your name!

huh??

someone became a doctor in '97

a fan of  M & M candy

there's a monkey on his back!

do all 7 of you fit in the Volvo?!!

While I was Driving, 1: Car Plates and Sticker

I have seen some doozies, but was not camera ready.
Here are recent ones that did not get away:

Indeed!

Johann Sebastian speaking

Sing it, Doris Day!

what a beauty!

Alfred Hitchcock lives on

 The incident occurred in the bathroom, a-la the movie, "Psycho" 

I had something important to tell hubby, so I went into the bathroom where he was taking a late-night shower.  I entered the room as quietly as possible, of course, as the rest of the family was winding down and getting ready for bed. 

Maybe I was a little too quiet. Let's just say that he was startled by the unexpected sight of me as he pushed aside the shower curtain. He instinctively backed-off and his movements became exaggerated as in a slapstick scene, and, get this --- he screamed like a girl! 

Sorry, but his comical-to-me reaction got me laughing and I could not stop. Was he expecting a mass murderer, LoL?! After threats of revenge and with his fingers wagging at me, he said that I had better lock them bathroom doors when it came time for my own shower; and this has convinced him to never ever shower again, so there! And the clincher:  he asked if I really want him to have a heart attack?!  Ummm, okay, that convinced me and the hullabaloo petered off. 

The lesson learned was entered into a file called "How to Avoid Medical Emergencies". I also entered it into another file called "I Gotcha!" and "Joint Spousal Showers May Save A Life and My Marriage". 

Sorry for the fright, my sweetheart. 

37.07.02.18 **************

The Sidewalk Street Dentist of India

... from Hell!!   J/K ...
Actually a clever guy, and using what's available for those who may otherwise have to suffer tremendous, ongoing pain.



ETA:  Here's another.

Thankful to God that I live in the good ol' US of A where at least gloves are used by the Doctor, eeeeek!

08.09.03.18

Horse racing: My Wife Knows Everything VERSUS The Wife Doesn't Know

and the winner is...

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Minorities

One of Maxine's best!   

Minorities We need to show more sympathy for these people. 

   * They travel miles in the heat. 

   * They risk their lives crossing a border. 

   * They don't get paid enough wages. 

   * They do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do. 

   * They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language. 

   * They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day ~ every day. 

I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans ~ I'm talking about our troops!  

Doesn't it seem strange that many Democrats and Republicans are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegals, but don't support our troops, and are even threatening to defund them?

9.8.17.18

Don't kiss the fish!

A kodak moment!

Sign of the times

From a guy in  Florida : (read first, then scroll down)

My neighbor is a "lefty" of sorts (Obama bumper stickers, gung-ho Socialized medicine, "guns should be banned", etc.).  So this past spring I put this sign up in my yard after one of his anti-gun rants at a neighborhood Cocktail party.    The sign wasn't up more than an hour before he called the police and wanted them to make me Take down the sign.  Fortunately, the officer politely informed him that it was not their job to take Such action without a court order and that he had to file a complaint "downtown" first, which would Be reviewed by the city attorney to see if it violated any city, county, or state ordinances, which If there was a violation a court order would be sent to the offending party (me) to "remove the Sign in seven days."  After several weeks he was informed that the sign was legal (by a quarter of an inch) and there Was nothing the city could do, which obviously made him madder.    I tried to smooth things over by inviting him to go shooting with me and my friends at the hunt club but That seemed to make him even more angry. I am at a loss how to reconcile our long relationship (notice I did not say friendship), any suggestions Would be welcome.  Anyway, that's life in our neck of the woods, how about yours?

~ from a forwarded email ~