MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.

"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"

Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.

"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down Fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double-barreled shotgun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''

"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold wet nose in my Daddy's crack!"

"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"

Facebook

****

Friday Funnies: A Democrat Dies and Meets St Peter

Below is joke only.  Jesus Christ is the only the way into heaven.

While walking down the street one day, a Democrat is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, we want to honor your free will. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

And with that St. Peter escorts the Democrat to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and the Democrat finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends. Everyone is very happy and in fancy evening dress. They run to greet and hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had. They dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy and has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

The Democrat is having such a good time that before he realizes, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens where St. Peter is waiting for him.

pc:  pauldavisoncrime.com

St. Peter says, “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” The Democrat joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Democrat reflects for a minute, then answers, “Well, I would never have thought it. I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorts the Democrat to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors of the elevator opens. The Democrat finds himself in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash. The Devil comes over to the Democrat and lays an arm on his neck.

“I don’t understand,” the Democrat stammers. “Yesterday I was here and there was a great golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a good time. Now all there is is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looks at him, smiles, and says, “Of course! Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!”

And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.

12He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.

13These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.  (1 John 5 )

**

Why Laughter is the Best Medicine

Six Science-Based Reasons Why Laughter Is The Best Medicine

David DiSalvo , CONTRIBUTOR

Intuitively we know that laughter is one of the best tools we have for dealing with stress, and science backs that up. In fact, research into laughter goes even further, revealing that it's a potent drug with the contagious power of a virus that conveys a slew of benefits for the mind and body. Below are six findings that should keep us wanting to laugh it up.

Laughter is a potent endorphin releaser. One of the most recent studies on laughter shows that laughing with others releases endorphins in the brain—our homegrown feel-good chemicals—via opioid receptors. The more opioid receptors a given person has in their brain, the more powerful the effect. Highly addictive opioid drugs, like heroin, also bind to those receptors, suggesting that laughter induces euphoria not unlike a narcotic (minus the obvious drawbacks).

Laughter contagiously forms social bonds. The endorphin effect described above also explains why social laughter is so contagious. Spreading endorphin release through groups promotes a sense of togetherness and safety. Each brain in a social unit is a transmitter of those feelings, which triggers the feel-goods in other brains via laughter. It’s like a game of endorphin dominoes. That’s why when someone starts laughing, others will laugh even if they’re not sure what everyone is laughing about.

Laughter fosters brain connectivity. Not all laughter is the same, and it turns out that decoding a laugh is more challenging than it seems. One study found differences in how we perceive, for example, joyous laughter versus taunting laughter versus tickling laughter, each of which activates connections between different brain regions. What this all amounts to is that laughter fosters rigorous brain-region connectivity that kicks in when we hear a laugh, as our brains work to decipher what sort of communication is coming through.

Laughter is central to relationships. A study showed that women laughed about 126% more than their male counterparts, while men seem to instigate laughter the most—and there’s an interesting application of those results to how relationships form and are maintained. Women typically rate a sense of humor as a top-three trait for a potential mate. Men tend to rate women who laugh a lot (i.e. laugh at their jokes) higher than those who don't. It's no surprise, then, that couples who laugh together report having higher-quality relationships. Laughter is a nonnegotiable for all involved.

Laughter has an effect similar to antidepressants. Laughing activates the release of the neurotransmitter serotonin, the same brain chemical affected by the most common types of antidepressants, SSRIs. It’s not clear from the research how long this effect sticks around, but the burst of brain activity laughing triggers is undoubtedly potent, at least for short periods of time.

Laughter protects your heart. Research has shown that laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect that protects blood vessels and heart muscles from the damaging effects of cardiovascular disease. How this happens isn't entirely understood, but it seems related to lessening the body’s stress response, which is directly linked to increased inflammation. Regular, hearty laughter should probably be part of every heart disease prevention program.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

***************

Better Than Knocking Down Confederate Statues & Memorials

Please ... I repeat … PLEASE!

DO NOT USE the $1, $2, $10, $20, $50 or the $100 bills in your possession as they have pictures of former slave owners on them!

Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly!!!

I repeat, do not just throw them away! They need to be disposed of properly and I am Certified to do so … thanks!!!!!!!!!

(via Liviu G 08.2017)